Isolation

content note: solitary confinement

Isolation. It's a word that invokes a lot of sad and devastating ideas. It's also classified as one of the worst torture methods. What kind of animal could be so volatile as to require more than six months of solitary confinement?

The creature called "teenager". I had only barely turned seventeen when they began. A decision made by hospital staff that I was simply too much trouble to be out of my room, even with a 1:1 accompanying me. It was far easier to lock me in one room and have someone watch over me there.

No outside elements. No games, no books. Even clothes were entirely confiscated for scrubs made of thick paper and underpants made of plastic mesh. Just me in that room, a staff member sitting in the doorway, encouraging me to just go back to sleep.

All I'm allowed to do is sleep.

Occasionally, I would catch a glimpse of another patient trying to peek in at me, wondering what kind of absolute freak must be in the room to have earned that kind of treatment. And sometimes the staff member watching me might joke that if they didn't behave, they'd end up like me.

Don't worry about it. Roll over and go back to sleep. Since all I could ever do was sleep.

I'm not human. I lost the ability to understand myself as a human in that room. I became an animal, or maybe just a thing. How do you deal with such a thing?

As for myself, I choose to lay down and sleep again.