I wish I fought them more

Content note: restraints

lately ive been thinking alot about this i should have done different while i was in the hospital. i wish i didn't just agree to everything, i wish i fought them more, I wish i refused to take the meds they prescribed to me and i wish i asked why more.

i wish i stayed in that bathroom and refused to leave, id happily sit there for the hour it took the other patient to calm down if it ment they wouldn't have held the to the floor like that. i can still picture it perfectly. the nurse walking me out the bathroom to my room telling me not to look but i did, there was a nurse holding down each of their limbs and another holding them down from the back.i wish i helped D escape when he stole that nurses keys and i wish me and my only friend there ran off more often. i wish i tried climbing the fence out of the "garden" and i wish i ran for it when they walked me from the hold to the ward.some things i dont regret and im happy happened, like that time D gave the bit of their knock of hospital sprite when the nurse refused to get me one and when my freind showed me i didn't have to do everything the nurses told me, i could "speak back" and make sure i was heard